


Recovery

by ap_marvel



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, badass female character that's a lil fucked up, bucky barnes is a cutie that deserves love, dark ass shit be happening here, i wrote this when i was like fifteen so forgive me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:53:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22653541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ap_marvel/pseuds/ap_marvel
Summary: A track and report mission on Steve Rogers. That's all she had to do. But things start to turn sideways as a series of events begin to unravel catastrophically. As Tess continues to battle her past and the complicated memories that come with it, she meets a man she thought she'd never see again.Her Soldier.
Relationships: bucky barnes/original female character
Kudos: 10





	1. Longing

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old fic of mine so i thought I'd post it on here. Gotta rep my name. Enjoy!

**Желание**

"identity cannot be found or fabricated, but emerges from within, when one has the courage to let go." – _Doug Cooper_

★★★

She was a miracle. She was a fighter. That's what they had told her at least.

She wasn't sure if she believed that, or if she ever would. Miracles were attributed to a divinity, and she was the furthest thing from it. She had done terrible things to terrible people and she would continue to do so until she had rid them from the living. The closest she would ever get to any deity was her codename. As for the fighter part, she couldn't deny that fact. The people that she had put six feet under could attest to that.

Tess stared at the leather-bound book she had in her hand. It was aged from the pages indented with her words, corners folded over and the sheets thick. It was over filled with names, dates and highly confidential information which was written in a variety of languages which were all coded differently. Eighty-nine entries for eighty-nine assignments that she had all completed successfully and had been paid well for. And now it would be ninety, she thought, dating the recent entry back to a month ago. The flicker of dark emotions were smothered once she put the book back in its concealed place.

She stepped out to the balcony, dark strands of hair swept onto her face from the breeze. The black top and shorts she wore allowed her skin to breathe in the humid weather. The sun had started to set, and she watched it slowly dip behind the mountains of Tucson, Arizona.

She pulled out her lighter, the cigarette between her lips as she lit it. She took a deep breath and watched the puffs of gray smoke swirled around her. The sound of the busy traffic below kept her mind occupied as she smoked. The deep orange glow from the sun was painted across the sky. Dark streaks of midnight blue pushed it back over the horizon as she blew out more smoke.

It had taken a year and a half for her to fully readjust to the world. It seemed like she had been out of touch in the chaotic reality of ordinary civilians. They had jobs – simpler than her own, and families. A concept she had never considered as an option for herself, not that she remembered it ever being an option at the place she was raised in. They weren't trained to kill or be proficient in several languages. Neither did they have enhanced bodies with abilities that went far beyond the imagination. It would've been a culture shock, had she remembered her past when she had first awoken in the civilian world.

She had slipped up in the beginning. Looking back she would've done things differently, efficiently. But she was naive and it meant having to kill a few less than innocent people to protect her identity. It didn't faze her. Not when it was for the greater good. It was hard for the public to distinguish whether she was a citizen-serving vigilante or just a cold-hearted villain, but the labels that the media pinned on her didn't matter. As long as she could remain faceless and do her work, she was fine – if fine meant severely damaged, with more blood on her hands than she could wipe.

Tess had wondered at what point she would be done with all this. The assignments, the overwhelming amount of money that she let sit in her accounts and the crushing guilt they bore. She didn't feel the guilt of what she had done. The ninety names she had written in her book had all deserved the fate she had mercilessly given them. Rather the question of whether she was the person to decide their fate.

She sighed and tapped the excess ash that had built up at the end of her cigarette.

No one else had offered to take the job, and it was a job that was very much needed in this day and age.

While people continued to replay the videos of an alien wormhole in New York, the world had become a darker place to live in. Crime had increased rapidly in the past two years, with corruption becoming harder to find for the public. But she could see through the deception and lies, which made her methods effective. The 'superheroes' that called themselves Earth's defenders were only useful for world scale catastrophes. What help were they since the word of Satan's Knight had spread?

The phone on the counter buzzed against the glass. She picked it up and unlocked it before reading the message. It was time to start the next assignment. She stubbed the cigarette out on a dish with a sad smile. She had only just begun to enjoy Tucson and its beauty.

It wouldn't take long for her to pack her things and book a flight to Washington. Her change of appearance would only take an hour to complete. She had already arranged the safehouses and the apartment she would use as a front months ago, when she had first received the details of her assignment. Her job at SHIELD had been secured for her to start in a fortnight which she hadn't looked forward to. She had done many high-profile cases for a number of employers, but nothing could come close to this one.

Her mission was clear – track the movements of Steve Rogers and report back. It was a large sum of money, though it wasn't the reason she had accepted it. Most of the money would likely go back into the assignment anyway and the rest would sit on top of the pile that she kept safe. It was a big mission and her instincts had told her to take it, so she did. The amount of money gave her an indication of how wealthy her employer was and how much it was worth to them. In this case: failure to provide results would be life-threatening, to say the least.

She had given herself the name Tess Dixon, years ago. When she had known little about the true reality she lived in and the memories of her past were incoherent and short. She wasn't that pathetic woman she was before. And she wanted to move on from the things that had happened which meant Tess Dixon was ready to die.

It only took a few hours before she passed airport security and got into the plane. She settled in for the ride. She knew she would sleep on the plane - it was the only time she could get some decent shuteye without the need to look over her shoulder. Though she could still never be too careful. Her head rested against the window, her body as far away as possible from the person sat beside her. Her eyes opened and closed as she drifted in and out of sleep and caught glimpses of the plane's wing as it cut through the air and the clouds. The plane rocked gently and the sounds of passengers in the cabin as they walked past and talked turned to silence in her ears. Her skin became icy, the hairs on her arms raised with the goose bumps as her mind lulled her into its dark embrace.

She ran. Barely a breath in her lungs as her boots dug into the snow, step after step. The harsh wind sliced through her skin as her head felt so unnervingly light. She shouldn't have looked back. She knew better than to look back, but her curiosity had gnawed through her fear. Spots of blood trailed her every step. She dropped to her knees and the ice melted into her clothes. She swore quietly and tears formed in her eyes. Her chest heaved as she ripped the undershirt to tie around her wound, the bullet was still inside, and she didn't have the resources or the time to take it out safely. She counted quickly and pushed herself up and started to run again.

"Ma'am?"

Tess jerked slightly as her eyes opened. Her hands instinctively turned into fists as she looked towards the speaker, a flight attendant. The sound in her ear intensified as she tried to calm herself down. The tightness in her chest was an indication that she needed to get away. The flight attendant's words were barely audible to her, but her mind had already lip-read them. Her expression was only of slight concern and a hint of exasperation, most likely not wanting to clean up after a passenger's puke.

"I'm fine." She waved off. The lie slipped off her tongue. "I just – I don't like heights."

"Would you like me to get you anything."

"No, thank you. I'm fine."

When she left, she managed to take a breath. Though it did nothing to calm anything inside her mind or that pressure in her chest. She desperately wanted a smoke to release some of the pressure that built up inside her. She glanced over the cabin before she got up and insincere apologies as she shuffled past the passengers next to her. Her hands grabbed hold of the tops of the seats as she reached the empty bathroom. She locked herself in and tightly held the sink.

"Bailey, Sanderson, Thompson, Guerra, Hernandez," she murmured.

Metal clanged in her ears. The darkness engulfed her in the cramped concrete room she was once locked in. The remnants of the bruises ached as she pulled her small feet to her chest. The smell of blood invaded her nose. She desperately hoped that she would die here and yet feared that she would. Her cold child-sized fingers were numb as they threaded through her hair and gripped the roots tightly. She screamed and waited for her body to become an uncontrollable inferno.

"No." She breathed. She ripped her hands away from her head. She pushed herself back from the bathroom sink and stared at her hands that trembled through blurry eyes. She was petrified that they would set aflame and kill everyone onboard. She looked at herself in the reflection as the dread set in and slowly wiped the blood that had dripped down from her nose.

Her eyes were rings of an amber blaze.

★

"Are you drinking to remember or to forget?"

Tess knew he was going to say something. It was the way he had looked at her and maybe the fact that they had ordered the same drink. She wasn't going to deny that he had some charm. Under normal circumstances, she would've turned him down, but there was some comfort in being able to pull herself back into this new character she had to play. Her mind was still plagued with thoughts of the memories she had on the plane. The fear that sat in the back of her mind, constantly replayed them. So, she didn't mind a little distraction.

She propped her hand under her chin, her head turned towards him with a shy smile. "What's it to you?"

"Nothing." He took a sip of his drink. "I just know how lonely it is to drink alone."

"I'm just enjoying a good drink," she answered. She took the last sip of her drink and raised her hand to the bartender to refill her glass. As she waited for the drink, she assessed the man beside her thoroughly, not that she had to. But it was nice to enjoy the attention he gave her. "What makes you think I'm alone?" She asked, offended at his assumption.

"You don't look like you're waiting on anyone and it would be a tragedy if someone stood up a beautiful lady like you."

She let out a light chuckle. "Let me guess," she put a finger to her lips in thought. "The noble hero looking out for the hopeless damsel."

"I never said you were hopeless." They both smiled at each other.

"Iran?" She asked seriously after a moments pause. His gaze on her while she nursed her drink.

"Afghanistan." He looked at her intently. "How'd you know?"

"My sister was in the Marines." She stared at her hands around the drink before she looked back at him with a forced smile. The mood shifted and she could see his apology form in his head. "It become easier to tell," she explained.

"I'm sorry." He gave her a look to comfort her. He had taken in her lies as quickly as he heard them.

"It's okay." She nodded to accept his apology for her fictional sister's death.

She glanced around the bar. If she wanted a real distraction, she would've gone to the guy sat on the far end. That guy had enough one night stands to know that she would be gone before he could realize, she was ever there and not have a care. But this guy... It seemed almost immoral to lead him on. She silently scoffed at herself. She barely gave another thought to someone else's feelings.

"What about you?"

She snorted at his question. When he darted his eyes at her in confusion she answered with a wry smile. "Oh, I didn't serve. My parents didn't want to lose another daughter. I'm more of a tech person anyway," she said conversationally.

"What kind of tech?"

"That's classified," she said lowly. Tess finished her drink before she shrugged on her jacket. She paid for her drinks and tipped the bartender. She paused slightly and looked towards the man she had been talking to. "Thank you for your sacrifice." He only nodded in response.

She was unsure if her words would affect him in any way and she hoped that he understood her good intentions behind them. It was too late to retract them anyway, she thought. She walked away, the sounds of his steps behind her a few moments later. So, he was going to follow her out.

He wasn't a threat to her, that's what her assessment had told her. Though she reassured herself that even if her assessment was wrong (though it rarely was), she could lead him to the next alley over and take care of the situation quietly. No police units were stationed in the area and she had enough tactical equipment to secure the area from any eyewitnesses. It wasn't something she wanted to do, but if the situation called for it then she was more than willing to use her abilities.

"I didn't get your name." He called after her.

Men had chased after her like this before and it hadn't ended well for them, but this was different. It wasn't a hopeless romantic dead end. Something in her told her that this would be worthwhile. Perhaps she could use him to her advantage.

She stopped in her step and faced him. "I didn't get yours."

He bit back a smile, shrugging his hands into his jacket. "Wilson. Sam Wilson."

"Well, it was nice to meet you, Wilson. Will I be seeing you around?"

"I work at the VA if you're ever in the area."

"I'll make sure to stop by," she promised. A tad more cheerful than she had expected.

She turned back and walked away from him. His eyes on her back as she took slow, casual steps in the opposite direction from her temporary apartment. She had to make sure that the perimeter was secure before she could get some shuteye.

Tess looked back at him. "Hey, Sam?" He was still stood outside the bar. "It's Tess."

He nodded back with a warm smile.


	2. Rusted

**Ржавый**

"there are three masks; the one we think we are, the one we really are, and the one we have in common." – _Jacques Lecoq_

★★★

Theresa Dixon worked hard. Her resume was clean and more than qualified for a Level Five technician position. Her experience as a consultant at Stark Industries when it was still had the largest weapons division in the world, was more than welcomed. Her work ethic was impeccable, and she seemed to maintain a calm, sweet attitude to her colleagues in the large office. She had been here for two months and they had yet to trust her on her own with SHIELD's highly classified files that were more than above her clearance level.

She had become friendly with a few other technicians that had worked here for over a decade and some that had only worked here for a little less than two years. One that she had recognized had a crush on her was Cameron. He was her supervisor when it came to classified files. SHIELD had a lot of them that would often be 'misplaced' or weren't properly secured in the system. Which either meant that the higher ups were doing illegal operations or SHIELD had leaks that they couldn't tell the public about. The team of technicians on this floor that were dedicated to ensure that it didn't happen.

"They never come down here."

She looked at him as he sat beside her on another chair. She made it obvious to him that she was completely oblivious to what he had said. When she could repeat it back to her verbatim. He blushed, flustered with embarrassment and quickly repeated what he had said.

"The Avengers, and the other field agents. They never come down here."

"Well, I'm sure Black Widow would definitely come down here more often if she met you." She smiled easily at him, which make him look away shyly.

She brushed away the strands of hair that fell on her face. She glanced quickly around the room as she cracked her knuckles. Her left hand quickly typed as she reached into her pocket and relaxed when she felt the remote tucked away. She had found an ex-SHIELD scientist that had developed a program that could override the clearance system to get unredacted files that wouldn't alert the system with a remotely controlled flash drive. She had plugged in the flash drive discreetly into another technician's computer, who had coincidently broken his leg and needed a week off to recover. The ex-SHIELD scientists had some grievances with how they operated so it didn't take much convincing, though it had certainly dented her bank balance. It was untested and highly risky, but she didn't have many options regarding SHIELD's tech security.

"Ha..." He scratched the back of his neck and awkwardly laughed as he nervously got up. "I wish."

She returned to the work at hand as he watched over her. She knew that with the way she had worked, her progress had contributed a lot to the department, that she was on track for a promotion. She would be able to access files limited to her clearance without supervision. But for now, she needed some answers.

She had caught word of a briefing that was today involving Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff and the STRIKE team, yesterday. Which would start in ten minutes. She needed to meet them on their way up if she wanted to get this mission done.

"Would you ever want to be out in the field?" She asked.

"I don't think SHIELD allows technicians are allowed to go out on the field."

"You've never thought about it?"

"Yeah- I mean, it would be cool, but I think I'm more resourceful here. I don't think I could do with they do with all that undercover stuff and fighting. What about you?"

"I like this desk." She smiled. "And I'd like to stay alive."

She glanced at her watch she noticed that the briefing would start in six minutes.

"I'm done, and I'll be taking my break."

Cameron nodded as he got out of her way. She knew that if she went to the bathroom two floors above her, she would be able to pass Steve and Romanoff on her way. He always entered the building five minutes before a briefing; she had timed him before. Though the intel she had given to her employers about that mission wasn't what they had wanted. Hopefully, this one would contain a few more interesting details for her employer.

She walked briskly and stepped into the elevator as the elevator's voice stated which floor they were on. She pressed the number and waited in the corner and naturally avoided eye contact of the other employees as she pulled out her phone. It only took a few seconds before she walked out and caught sight of him. Though her eyes never left the screen of her phone.

His almost dark blonde hair and the familiar suit of patriotism he had on. His iconic shield rested on his back, the exact same width of his broad shoulders. It would be wrong to say that he was only somewhat good looking. The number of pictures and surveillance videos she had poured over didn't do his features justice in real life. He was made to be the perfect soldier and apparently it did more than a few wonders to his physical appearance.

She could feel her senses heighten as she unconsciously considered the amount of people that were around and the number of eyes that came with them. Her mind focused sharply on Romanoff who stood not too far behind him. She would be a notable opponent in combat, but Tess wouldn't let that stop her from doing what was necessary. Her shoulder collided into his arm and her phone almost slipped from her grasp. Her fingers slyly brushed his tactical suit to plant a bug. It was hard to come by technology that could bypass SHIELD security and the prices were even harder to match, but this mission would pay more than enough for the expenses.

"Sorry." Tess mumbled in embarrassment. To which he waved off with a small smile as he kept walking on.

Natasha had kept her eyes on her a few seconds after Steve, but Tess had apparently passed her test when she looked away unbothered by what had happened. "What about her? She's pretty." She heard Natasha mutter, presumably to Steve who returned her comment with a muted sigh.

When she reached the bathroom, she pulled down the toilet seat and sat on top. Her hand slipped into her pocket and she pressed the listening device to her ear.

"- Lemurian Star. They were sending their last payload when pirates took them." Rumlow stated.

"Who's leading them?" Natasha asked.

"Georges Batroc.Ex-DGSE, Action Division. He's at the top of Interpol's Red Notice. Before the French demobilized him, he had thirty-six kill missions. This guy's got a rep for maximum casualties."

"Any demands?"

"A billion and a half."

 **"** Why so steep?" Steve questioned.

 **"** Because it's SHIELD's."

 **"** So, it's not off-course, it's trespassing," he argued. Romanoff was quick to silence him.

 **"** I'm sure they have a good reason."

"Hostages?" He asked.

 **"** Uh...mostly techs. One officer, Jasper Sitwell."

"How long will it take to ready a STRIKE team?"

"They're ready when you are, Cap."

"Let's move."

She heard the click as the bug detached.

At least she knew what keywords she needed to enter when she needed to search the SHIELD database. The unredacted file on the Lemurian Star would have plotted co-ordinates which she could send to her employer, which would earn her first paycheck.

★

She sat down in her chair and placed her plate of food down. She inserted the flash drive into the computer and waited for the contents to load. She clicked on the program she had developed to decrypt files and waited as it did its job, shoveling food in her mouth as she did and clicked through the files on Sam Wilson.

It didn't take much but her contacts had gotten her a copy of the file she had found out about. He had been brave enough to be a test pilot for it. Since Tony Stark had flied around in that tin can suit it wouldn't have been too alarming. Wilson seemed like a good man. His job at the VA had helped more than a few veterans and he seemed happy to help. She didn't want him to get entangled in her web of lies if she couldn't help it.

She went back to the flash drive's files and pulled up the one on the Lemurian Star. It was a mobile satellite launch platform, designed for .

Now that interested her.

It sounded like something that would be on a much higher level than six. This seemed Alpha Level clearance. She wasn't sure if this would be something relevant to her mission. It would take a larger amount of money to investigate something this classified. And, her employer didn't ask for information about Project Insight, they wanted Roger's locations.

She scrolled through the file and scanned for information on where the ship was meant to be located. Steve had said that SHIELD had trespassed. Another section of the file contained a detailed briefing of where Steve, Natasha, Rumlow and the STRIKE team had been sent, the coordinates placed them somewhere in the Indian Ocean.

Tess sent an encrypted message to her employer with details of the Lemurian Star and its coordinates, along with the names of the agents that Steve was with.

She smiled as she took several more bites of her food. Her patience had paid off.


	3. Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> may be triggering. reference to suicide on the last line.

**Cемнадцать**

"the truth will always be truth, regardless of lack of understanding, disbelief or ignorance." – _W. Clement Stone_

★★★

Tess could see him.

A lonely figure clad in black. His back facing her as he stood at an unreachable distance. Flames, which erupted from her hands, danced around him as she watched paralysed. He couldn't hear her screaming for him to escape, to run from the inferno she had created. Her attempts to warn him only fuelled the fires and she watched on hopelessly as he turned to look at her. His face detailed and unequivocally rememberable as the orange light of the fire flickered on his body.

The torture her lungs had endured from her screaming, had awoken her. Her hands found themselves wrapped around the loaded pistol beneath her bed, aiming it at the door. Tears formed in her eyes as she stood there staring, flooded with fear at the thought of something behind it. She broke out in a cold sweat as the dream continued to replay in her mind. A part of her couldn't help but hope it was something to put her out of her misery. The number of countless nights she had spent breaking down until she was nothing but a trembling train wreck, was nothing to how she felt standing there with a gun aimed at the door.

Tess loved this man. There was no doubt in her mind that she hadn't, and to see him standing in the fires that she caused... She selfishly prayed that this man didn't exist, only so that she didn't have to carry the guilt of his murder for the rest of her life. She prayed that the people that kept her in that place made her do it, begging in some sort of higher power to be saved from herself. When she couldn't stand there any longer, drowning in that deafening silence of shame, she put the gun down. Her hand steadied herself against the bare wall behind her before she slid down against it, the gun still in her hand. Her forehead leaned against the tip of the muzzle as the barrel rested against her nose.

"Bailey, Sanderson, Thompson, Guerra, Hernandez." She whispered as she knocked the gun against her forehead.

She was doing this for them, and she was doing this for her. So that she could finally get some answers about what happened in the gaps of her memory and who was behind it all. If that man was still out there, she would find him after all this. She wasn't sure what she would say or do but, she knew it was something that would have to be done. Even if he killed her, it would a debt settled for the pain she had caused him.

Tess glanced at the clock, it was four am. She had slept for three restless hours after looking over the other mission files that Steve had done for SHIELD. But nothing had caught her eye as much the Lemurian Star. She sighed heavily as she put the gun beside her. There was something about this mission she was given, like she was only given a piece of a much bigger puzzle. She knew that there was something that connected her to Steve Rogers, his name seemed so familiar in her ear. But she could confirm that he wasn't the man in her dream. She was certain that she would know him if he saw him. She slid the gun back into the holster underneath the bed when she was positive that she was safe.

She went to the bathroom and washed herself up, wanting to remove the remnants of her breakdown. After she was done she cooked herself breakfast, the bland taste of eggs and toast told her that she had no appetite. She forced it down her throat, reminding herself that she hadn't eaten since the day before and she would regret it later on. She flushed it all down with a beer before throwing it in the trash.

Tess left her apartment and circled back to check the perimeter before she took a car heading to her safe house. It was one of two that she had set up in D.C. because she knew that high profile case like this would probably cause a lot more trouble than she could handle if she failed. She had secured a few out of the country and new covers set in place for her in case things turned sideways. She preferred the safehouse in Delaware because it had the best set-up for all the hardware she needed to get into SHIELD. She cleared the area before she got inside, pulling out her gun to search each room before she could somewhat relax.

She headed into the bedroom that she had converted into her own personal lair of hard drives and monitors. Touching the monitor, she saw that the software that was implanted into the SHIELD database through the flash drive allowed her to project SHIELD screens onto her own. She sat down and started to link the system to specific accounts which would take much longer than it sounded. Though with her experience, it would take two hours to do it manually or she could program it to do it without her within an hour. She tapped the alert on one of the screens, it searched for any relevant news on SHIELD and any of its employees from trusted networks.

_"Nick Fury, former Director of SHIELD, has died from injuries sustained from an attempted assassination this morning."_

Tess got up from her seat and looked bewildered at the screen. Fury was dead? Why wasn't she notified about this earlier? She sat back down and started to search through hospital records in Washington for a deceased John Doe that matched Fury's description. She continued linking the accounts as she waited for the scan to finish, desperate that they had logged him onto the system.

_"Details regarding the shooter have yet to be released and the circumstances regarding former Director Fury's death. SHIELD has yet to make a statement about the events that have occurred."_

She turned at the sound and clicked on it, muting the news reporter. There were only seven matches and the most reliable one was in Suburban Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland. The place would be swarming with SHIELD agents and she didn't want to risk exposure. Not yet. She typed hurriedly, hacking into the hallway surveillance tapes and watched back the footage in the trauma unit. It didn't take long before she spotted a red-head with agents in black behind her. She pressed a button, so she could see the real-time footage. Steve was standing in the hallway; a man was talking to him. She looked closer at the man, he looked familiar, but his name was suddenly a mystery to her. It looked like the man was telling Steve that he had to come with him, most likely back to the Triskelion.

But why? Was Steve involved in the death of Fury?

No, no, if that were true they would've arrested him by now, even if everyone saw him as a saint. Maybe he was with Fury when he died.

She went back to her work, knowing that something bad was going to happen. She had to link the system to Steve and Natasha's account. Tess needed to see everything they saw in the SHIELD database and she wished that she could hear every conversation too. Her enhanced hearing had helped her before, but in cases like this she wished it was more long distance.

She pushed her chair back and looked over all the monitors. She couldn't help but feel out of the loop. There was something that they all knew but she had yet to figure out. She snapped her fingers trying to remember a name. Rumlow? No that was the man Steve was talking to in the hallway. It was a name of a person on the Lemurian Star, she grimaced in thought. He had hijacked the ship and was holding the hostages.

Batroc. The man who prompted the mission on the Lemurian Star.

She pushed the chair forward in a rush she could type. SHIELD would definitely have files and footage on him and the interrogations, she just needed to go back to the Triskelion and plug in the flash drive to access them. She swore, chewing the inside of her cheek as she tapped her foot. Getting into work this early, right after the death of the Director would look suspicious and she still wasn't allowed to work without a supervisor. She got up, leaving the system to link itself up to mirror the accounts onto her phone screen instead of the monitor.

She was going to have to compromise her position at SHIELD.

Heading back to her bedroom she slipped on smart attire, slipping the flash drive into her bag. She placed her gun and a few pieces of equipment into a sealed compartment which would go undetected by SHIELD's security systems. She locked up the place securely before she left. Her mind was already planning the number of ways she could escape prison as she walked to her car.

★

Tess had slipped past security with no problems as she had predicted. She was in the system, the flash drive idly waiting in the console as she logged in. Her fingers ready to start as quick as possible to get what she needed, knowing that this time she needed targeted files unlike last time. There would be instant silent alert to security that she was in the system without administrative authority supervising her if her supervisor didn't put in the code. She bypassed the code, but she couldn't stop the alert. She could already hear the agents running in the floors above as she searched for the files. The other technicians in the room didn't know what she was doing and had no idea that agents were about to storm the room in less than two minutes.

She felt the sweat building on her as she tried to focus, not wanting her mind to draw a blank in the middle of this. Tess found them and opened them, the flash drive allowing her to read them without it being redacted. She skimmed the report files and looked at the interrogation transcripts, her eyes focusing as her eyes danced across the screen.

There was a bang, the door splintering open as the agents charged in.

Tess rolled to take cover, pulling the gun from her bag as she waited, when she heard them getting closer she took aim. She fired rapidly, taking them down from across the room as she edged closer to the exit. Her bag was tightly secured across her chest as she took cover behind another desk, peeking to see the door was clear. Once she heard one agent calling for back up, she threw a flashbang before taking off.

She ran as fast as she could, colliding into people as she made her way to the easiest exit. She could hear more agents on their way, but if they were on their way to take her down then they were heading in the wrong direction. She considered the possibility of SHIELD having hidden passageways for emergencies like this, but she had to focus on getting out without getting shot. She pulled a smoke grenade from her bag as her left hand aimed at the armed security. After she vaulted over the security desk she pulled the pin on the grenade and threw it backwards.

She got into the car, swiftly grabbing keys from the visor and starting it up. She was yet to let out a breath of relief as she drove. Her foot slamming on the gas as the tires screeched against the concrete. It was an old enough model that it would blend it with traffic, but she knew she'd have to dump this car somewhere and get a new one.

She heard a crash from the main entrance of the Triskelion and she saw that they were starting to close the bridge. She managed to get through, though she had a feeling that this wasn't for her. She looked through her rear-view mirror to see a Quinjet flying over to stop the familiar distant figure on the motorbike. And while it seemed better that SHIELD would focus their assets on Steve, it meant that their protocols for fugitives would apply to her too.

Tess had taken a risk and it was worth it for the intel she had gotten. She plugged the flash drive into the attachment on her phone, skimming the reports on the Batroc interviews intently. When she finished most of them, she set the phone down.

They had found him in a safe-house in Algiers. He was hired anonymously to attack the Lemurian Star and was contacted by email and paid by wire transfer. The money ran through seventeen accounts before going to a holding company registered to one Jacob Veech. Veech had been dead for six years and his last address was fourteen-thirty-five Elmhurst Drive. Fury's mother lived at fourteen-thirty-seven which meant they presumed that the hijacking was a cover for the acquisition and sale of classified intelligence. And that they presumed his death was related to the failed hijacking. She sighed, her fingers drumming the steering wheel as she creased her brows.

"Why would Fury hijack the ship?" She muttered under her breath. "And, why were they targeting Steve?"

It would make sense if the ship was dirty, she thought.

She took off her blazer and white shirt to change into a black hoodie and a denim jacket that she kept in a box under the passenger seat, after she slipped off her trousers she pulled on some jeans. She stuffed the clothes she previously had on back into the box and lit them on fire and when it was done she closed the lid to put it out.

SHIELD protocol in these situations were set in place to ensure that any fugitives would be captured and brought back to base. All the traffic lights in the district would be turned to red, all the runways at BWI, IAD and Reagan would be shut, all the security cameras would be monitored, and all open sources would be scanned.

She jerked the phone out from her inside pocket as she headed towards the tunnel, seeing that the system was still linking up. She swore in frustration, hitting the steering wheel. It was clear that she needed more intel than she had so she had to do this, but there was a part of her that was screaming at her for being stupid enough to get on SHIELD's radar. She gritted her teeth as she tried to push away the fieriness that was building up from the frustration.

She braked slowly, turning on her blinkers as she wiped down the surfaces before she got out of the car. She headed into the emergency exit, running as she leapt up the stairs and out to the other side of the road. It still wouldn't take long for them to realise that she had taken the emergency exit, so she needed to get to her safehouse as quickly and discreetly as possible. She walked out slowly, slipping on her shades and pretended she was on a call as she headed towards another car.

★

There was a ring.

She leapt at the sound, sliding the chair across the floor to the screen as she watched intensely. Natasha was accessing the system which meant she would be able to see everything they could. She tracked down where they were accessing the system, tapping her feet against the floor as she waited.

It looked like she was trying to run tracer on a drive, the same tracer that her own flash drive was able to hide from. The drive seemed to have some sort of AI that could rewrite itself against Natasha's commands. Tess could already see herself thinking all the ways she would've approached the situation in her position, which could've saved them time on the nine-minute homing system the drive had.

She watched as the signal traced back to Wheaton, New Jersey. She creased her forehead as she searched for the place, it was an old training camp they used back in World War Two. She snorted at the thought of Steve being there before he was the _infamous_ Captain America. She messaged her employer the coordinates of the National Mall and of the camp in New Jersey.

Tess leaned back and folded her arms. There was a sense of dread that her body was immersed in as she looked down at the message she received of the money transaction. Her mouth felt dry and she unfolded her arms, so her fingers could strum against her leg. The heat from the pit of her stomach rose. Every instinct that she had was telling her that there was something malevolent at play.

She closed her eyes in thought for a few minutes, piecing the intel that she had, together. She opened her eyes in an instant, her hand going to her shoulder as she tried to think carefully. It couldn't be right. She couldn't know that for sure, she told herself. She picked up her phone to make a few calls. Tess prayed for whoever was behind all of this because they wouldn't escape her.

Not this time.


	4. Daybreak

**Pассвет**

"we make our monsters, then fear them for what they show us about ourselves." – _Mike Carey_

★★★

She kept her head down as she sat on the park bench, a light sweat building around her hairline as she drank her bottle of water. She took out her phone and scrolled through the news. There was an overwhelming amount of reports on Fury's death and, Natasha Romanoff and Steve Rogers' fugitive statuses. There was nothing about SHIELD's intel leak which she hadn't been surprised about considering that they weren't going to acknowledge that they had compromised staff alongside two high-classed fugitives.

It was dark out in the park, which only made her feel more uneasy at the thought of such an open space. She maintained a calm exterior as she put the cap back on her bottle, discreetly glancing at the tree that was lightly marked with chalk. Her dead drop was inside, files that would tell her whether the shared cooperation that funded her high-profiled employers were who she thought they were. And some that she had specifically requested as follow ups.

It had taken her several hours from the day before to even link her employer to a corporation which lead her to the city archives. She dug around relentlessly, searching for anything to tell her what was going on. She had called other archives, finding that each corporation had been transferring its assets to the next as years dated back. The last record she found in the historical branch dated nineteen forty-six. Almost every high-profile case she had linked the employers back to the original corporation, Wai-Go Industries. A front for something much dangerous.

She walked over to the tree, tying her sneakers against the trunk as she looked around. Not many people were around this late at night and she had made sure that any cameras that would catch a glimpse of her was on a ten-minute loop. There were so many precautions that she had to take, now that she was on their radar and now possibly on another organisation's radar too.

She grabbed the bag and slung it on her shoulder. Her head was itching from the dark brown wig she had on and her photostatic veil was getting on her nerves. The electric buzz of it was overwhelmingly loud in her ear which made her less able to rely on sound as she walked.

Once she got to the closest safehouse after circling back she sat down in the kitchen. It had been exhausting the past few days as sleep continued to evade her. Her dreams consisted of past memories and every waking moment she feared a new one would return. She gulped down a glass of bourbon before she took out the documents. Standing in front of the table as she flipped through, her teeth gnawing the inside of her cheek. She poured herself another glass so that the uneasy feeling at the bottom of her stomach would leave.

"No." Her voice was barely a whisper, filled with disdain. Her body rigid as she stood there, the documents in her hand string slip through her fingers. She tightened her grip and held them up so that she could scour them again, disbelief wracking her body.

HYDRA.

Hydra was meant to be dead. That's what she had read whilst researching Steve. They were an organization that the Red Skull had developed during World War Two and Steve had helped defeat them before he went under. She had skipped a few parts of his history, knowing that she would be working on his present status not his past. She took a breath. If they were in fact the organization that had raised her, wouldn't she have remembered them?

She closed her eyes, trying to think back. A part of her resisted, unwilling to see but the images still flashed in her head. Sounds of screaming and bones cracking as she walked through the place. They all spoke Russian, some of their words were accented which indicated they weren't all from here. She stopped in front of her room. Fear scratched its long claws against the inside of her skull in a feeble attempt to escape.

"Cut off one head and two shall grow in its place."

Her eyes opened, her breath heavy as she stared down at the folder. Tess knew that there were larger forces behind this mission, but not this. The documents told of a few underground facilities across eastern Europe that were active – all funded by corporations that lead back to them.

Her shoulder started to ache, her head throbbing at the flashes of images. The smell of blood in her nose as she started to think of that claustrophobic cell she was raised in. Her body wracking from the realisation. They were the ones who had done this to her. Made her the monster she was today.

But why would they give her this assignment? What was their motive? It was already clear that Steve Rogers would be a worthy opponent since he had already previously taken them down – only they had gone into hiding. Employing her would give them access to his locations when he went dark, like when SHIELD had announced him and Natasha a fugitive and she had sent them his location in New Jersey. There had been no further updates on his location and she couldn't find anything that was of significance in the location he had gone to. She didn't know what she could do to find him. And there was a small part of her that feared for the worst...

Had she killed Steve Rogers?

"Bailey, Sanderson, Thompson, Guerra, Hernandez." Tears dripping down her face in silent horror as she whispered their names, hoping to seek redemption where there was none. They were the reason she kept going, the reason she kept up the Satan's Knight front. So that the men, women and children who suffered in silence when their government failed them, had someone to turn to. A person who didn't rely on the world being a better place like the Avengers.

Nothing could stop her mind from thinking about the people who had wrongly suffered from her actions. She had seen the destruction she caused when the dust had settled, and she had turned a blind eye. Unwilling to take responsibility for their sorrow of whomever they grieved, because they deserved it. But if HYDRA had been directing her kills, constructing a false story of who her victims really were, then it was on her.

She dropped the file on the table and opened the next five. Each spread across the table as she looked at each of their statuses. Bailey - alive. Sanderson - alive. Thompson - alive. Guerra - alive. Hernandez - deceased.

She backed away from the files. So, they knew where she had been all this time. Silently watching her every move and making sure to tie up any loose ends that she had left behind. But she had only left one behind. And now he was dead because of her.

Tess had helped each of them, she had only requested their names in exchange of payment. She shouldn't have done it. It wasn't like her to be sentimental. But she had her moment of weakness on each of those days. And then, she broke one of her most important rules with Hernandez – she showed him her face and told him how he could contact her.

His mother was involved with a prominent member of the Sinaloa Cartel. Hernandez was raised into it not knowing any better as he followed on with their orders. When he decided to get out, they disagreed, by beating and torturing him until he complied. Satan's Knight was called in as a favour from an old partner she had worked alongside before. The Cartel had been taking down their operations in Sonora when she found him. None of them survived, she only spared Hernandez and his mother. She offered him another chance, a new name and a fake passport with flights to a safehouse in Germany. Her partner had set the safehouse up, and she asked him to withhold Hernandez's whereabouts from her. Tess knew that her sentiment could only go so far.

She never looked back. Never searched his name or looked for him again, knowing that the part of her that was unchecked that night should always be kept on a leash and that her vulnerability towards the kid would be exploited. She had found a part of her stolen childhood in him; the dozen memories of that place had been triggered when he showed her his injuries were devastating.

And now, she had killed two more people. Two of the Avengers that had sacrificed their lives for the world. What had she done? The people she had saved didn't even come close to covering the blood on her hands. And yet, she had persisted, seeking to find redemption by protecting those who had been hurt like her. Instead, she had offered her services willingly to people who didn't think twice about killing innocents in cold blood.

She closed her eyes, the thought of that man in her dreams coming to mind. She told herself that she was ridding the world of monsters, maybe the monster she really needed to kill was herself?

Tess forcefully kept herself upright as she flicked to through the report. It was in German, one of the many languages she was fluent in. The cause of death was a bullet to the chest and they had carried out a ballistics report. It was Soviet-made – matching the ballistics report she had gotten on Fury.

The information was a strike that lit the match within her, igniting all the bubbled-up emotions she had tried to tie down from the day before. The man that had killed Fury was a ghost. He had vanished as swiftly as he had appeared. But that wouldn't stop her. Nothing could quell her rage until blood had been spilled and she would make sure that it would. The bloodlust that came with her abilities was spiking as she felt the fire surging through her blood. Her sight turned blinding red as she gritted her teeth. A part of her made her shake her head, trying to fight back against the pure rage but it was overpowering.

She was ready to hunt them down. And when it was all over, she would only have one last monster to kill. Herself.


	5. Furnace

**Печь**

"guilt; the gift that keeps on giving." – _Erma Bombeck_

★★★

It was five am when she woke up.

Her hands pushing her hair away from her face as she sat up, her legs touching the floor. The room was beginning to feel like it was closing in as she rubbed her head. Her mouth felt dry and she was debating whether she could get up to get a glass of water without collapsing. She slowly regained control over her breathing and headed towards her kitchen. She retched, letting her body empty all of its contents as tears fell from her eyes. She cleaned herself up when she was done and could still taste the acid in her mouth.

The smell of ash and blood filled her nose. What had she done for those people? She had done whatever was necessary for them in that place and now here she was doing it all over for them.

"Bailey, Sanderson, Thompson, Guerra... Hernandez."

Tess felt the grief hit her with full force. Images of that man she had seen in her dreams, surrounded by fire flashed before her. His face as distorted as it was before but she could still feel his eyes piercing into her. What had she done to him?

She dropped the knife before she collapsed onto her knees. The air in her lungs being ripped from her as she tried to maintain composure. But she was hunched over, hands gripping the front of her shirt. Her body was beginning to become clammy as she desperately tried to stop the tears from falling.

It didn't take long for her to realise that she wouldn't be able to sleep again. And, with the countless nightmares that plagued her sleep, she couldn't care less that she was awake. When there were no tears left and the fatigue had begged her to stop, she got up. She let out a breath before facing herself in the bathroom mirror. She brushed her teeth and washed her face, staring at her reflection as she processed what had happened.

Taking out a sports bra and black leggings she slipped them on. She pulled on her sneakers as she used her other hand to grab her phone, wireless earphones and keys. She put her earphones in and played whatever she had, not caring what genre it was as she locked the door. Anything was good, as long as it was loud enough to stop her mind from thinking.

Once she left the building she started to jog, her legs finding comfort in using the strength and the ability they had. She headed towards the Potomac river, knowing that Steve usually jogged through the National Mall and would be headed towards the river now. She tried to forcefully push the thought of him away from her head. It might have seemed ill-advised for her to start jogging when she hadn't even checked surveillance to see if the area was secure. He could be dead because of her, she had sent them their co-ordinates without thinking twice.

It was on her now to make things right.

HYDRA didn't know she was on to them and she needed to use that to her advantage. But right now, she needed to take a few a minutes to clear her head. There was too much at stake and she needed to make sure that she wouldn't make any moves that could show her hand.

The air hitting her warmed skin was refreshing. The sun was yet to rise from the horizon, but she could see the streaks of orange and purple across the sky. It was the smallest things that managed to lift her spirits from the depths of darkness inside her. She hadn't thought of taking this route before and she understood why Steve enjoyed it. Though his company most likely helped.

She noticed the figure of a man jogging not too far ahead of her. He was clad in a dark purple shirt and dark gray shorts. She didn't have to exert more force to catch up to him, though when she was almost getting towards him she made herself sound out of breath. She pulled out her earphones, so she didn't seem rude.

"Need a partner?"

He turned to look at her with surprise and slowed down as he smiled. "Tess, right?"

"How've you been?" She nodded at him before she held her knees to catch her breath.

"Good. Everything is good. You?"

"Been busy with work." She stood up and cocked her head a little. "I was thinking of dropping by the VA, but I was afraid you wouldn't remember me."

He chuckled. "Your face would be hard to forget."

She lowered her head with a smile, letting a light blush rise to her cheeks. They both started to jog again, and she inconspicuously kept track of the environment. Detailing the total number of people and cars that could target her, while she turned her face away from the cameras that could see her. She noticed that they were heading towards the Capitol.

"Did you grow up here?"

"Born and raised in Harlem." He shrugged. "What about you?"

"Hell's Kitchen." She said shamefully.

"Why'd you come here?"

"You have to ask?" Tess said, her voice full of amusement. Sam returned with an apologetic smile. "I got caught up in some bad shit and turned my life around, but some people didn't like that. So, I came here."

"How's that working out?"

"Good. Working at SHIELD. And, I think I'm enjoying the company so far."

He gave her a winning smile before taking a bragging tone. "SHIELD, huh? Have you met Cap?"

"Cap?" Tess turned to him, eyebrows raised at the nickname. "You're name-dropping the man to show off?"

He let out a defeated laugh. "Maybe."

They slowed down to a stop. The sight of the Capitol was behind her as she rested her back against a tree. He wiped the sweat from his head as she caught her breath again.

"Well, it was a pleasure Wilson." She said formally, giving a playful curtsey.

"And mine, my lady." He took her hand and kissed the back of it. "May we meet again."

"I look forward to it."

★

It didn't take long for Tess to get home and change into some more civilian-like clothing.

The thought of Sam and his association to Steve made her wonder. She had seen them jog together a few times, nothing of suspicion. But it had got her thinking, if both Steve and Natasha had survived, _if_ they had then there weren't many people he could turn to. They'd need someone who was unaffiliated with any spy organisation and was worthy of trust. Sam Wilson seemed like the perfect person to rely on in desperate times.

She checked the footage outside Sam's place on the computer, displaying multiple monitors of the area. There was a car that kept exploiting the blind spots of the cameras, but there was one blurry frame of the gray Audi's license plate. A driver and blurry shadows of two passengers.

She let out a breath of relief. HYDRA hadn't killed them, not yet.

What was HYDRA up to?

They had employed her to track and report Steve, then SHIELD declared him a fugitive and she tracked their co-ordinates back to that old army base in New Jersey. And they come back somewhat alive, surviving the attack. Why would SHIELD declare Steve and Natasha fugitives, unless they were a threat? Did they think that SHIELD was actually HYDRA?

"The Lemurian Star..." She whispered.

Tess grabbed the secured laptop and put the flash drive in, searching for Project Insight. The folder she had skipped over when she had first contacted her employer with Steve's location on the Lemurian Star. She opened it, confused when the folder was empty. She had pulled the flash drive out too quickly for the information to download on to it. She swore, throwing the laptop against the wall in frustration.

It was a mobile satellite launch platform for Insight, but the question was why HYDRA needed satellites? Maybe the wanted to have eyes on everything, but there was something more to it. They wouldn't risk exposure for satellites or killing Captain America for it either.

There was something much sinister at play here.

They couldn't be heading to the Triskelion yet, not this unprepared anyway. She tracked them, letting the software do its work as it scoured traffic cameras for the same car. She sat back, they needed to make their move before she could make hers. Until she understood what their plan was. Even if they were heading for the Triskelion, how would they get in? Security measures would have tripled, and SHIELD wasn't going to let two fugitives with a civilian walk in. If they were intending to bypass the security, they would need to contact someone with a high-level clearance that had access to Project Insight. She knew that it required a minimum of level eight clearance, which lessened the list of people they would target. But she didn't know all of SHIELD's agents that were level eight and above, so it wasn't as useful as it sounded.

She sat there studying the cameras closely for ten minutes before the car stopped, not far from the rd InterContinental hotel. She moved the cameras around slowly, making sure that security wouldn't notice. There was a man there, talking to Senator Stern as he walked away. She recognized him from the Lemurian Star folder as Jasper Sitwell, the man that Steve and the STRIKE team had rescued. She saw the small red dot on his tie as he spoke on the phone. Tess chewed her lip in thought, Sitwell was on the ship. But he couldn't have accessed the Project Insight files... Unless he was HYDRA. It made sense, he was a Level Seven agent, ranking above most field agents and able to maintain a good position in SHIELD and bide his time. HYDRA would've likely given him access to information on the Project and the ship. Steve had asked why he was on the ship on the first place but had later brushed it off. They must've placed him there to protect the information on the ship from the mercenaries.

She needed to get to them now. If they were going to get into the Triskelion with Sitwell, it wouldn't end well. They needed all the help they could get, and she could use the flash drive to find any information on the facilities HYDRA had around the time she was raised.

Her eye caught the black Chevrolet that they had switched to.

Tess stepped away from the screens and headed over to another room to lift open the floorboard/ She pulled out the long box, unlatching it to reveal her sword. It was a way for her powers to manifest in a specific form without draining her completely. It had been a while since she had used it and she already had her doubts. She shook her head and secured it on her back under her clothes, her backpack had her suit inside along with tactical equipment and extra weapons.

She kept track of the Chevrolet on her phone, using the traffic cameras to trace license plate and send her notifications. She climbed out the back of the building and ran through lesser known streets before stopping in front of a house. The owners had a termite infestation and had to evacuate, which gave her access to their unused garage.

She got in to the house through their back door and headed into the garage. She changed into the suit and slung her sword across her back properly. She clicked in the earpiece that was linked with the D.C. police radio and quickly secured her phone to the bike. Once she had finished, she swung her leg over the motorbike and turned on the engine.

When she used to do this, there was an addictive rush that came with it. She felt sick to even admit that she enjoyed it. But now, as she held the handles of the bike with the garage door opening up for her to leave, she felt the pit of her stomach turning at the thought of the things she had done in this suit. The amount of blood that stained the sword that she had once proudly carried. She wasn't Satan's Knight anymore, neither was she Tess. She wasn't sure who she was anymore, and she didn't care because she had only had one last thing to do before it would all be over.

The tires screeched against the concrete, the exhaust releasing smoke as she turned hard. She no longer cared about her being in the open, only that the cops wouldn't get in her way. She wouldn't let them stop her, she'd have to employ non-lethal tactics to make sure they didn't try.

HYDRA was going down and she would make sure that she had a hand in its destruction. Starting with their Soviet executor. 


	6. Nine

**Девять**

"where there is anger, there is always pain underneath." – _Eckhart Tolle_

★★★

The roar of her bike was being drowned out by the wind in her ears. She weaved between the oncoming traffic, trucks blaring their horns as she raced past. Her earpiece was connected to the police radio, they had sighted Steve and Natasha on the highway fighting a group of men, one had a metal arm. She knew that description well enough to remember that he had killed Fury. He was _their_ assassin.

Tess had to find him.

She watched as a gunman on a car was rapidly shooting using heavy artillery. The gunfire was increasing in volume as she lifted her legs onto the seat of the bike. She put her hands by her side, lighting her hands with fire to thrust her up on to the highway where the HYDRA agents were stationed. They didn't fire at her and she realised that they had expected her to turn up. Only, they didn't know that she wasn't going to be fighting on their side.

Sam was attacking another agent trying to make his way down to join the fight against Steve. She ran towards another who had just dropped and grabbed the wire pulling it roughly back and wrapped it around his neck twice. She slid over the car and ran towards another man, drop kicking him as she twisted back to land on her front.

Tess looked up and saw Sam aiming the gun he had taken at her. He didn't recognise her at all through the mask and the hood. She held her arms up and slowly reached towards her leg holster.

"Down!"

Sam ducked as she shot the man behind him. She ran towards the edge and side vaulted back to the ground. The impact of her feet hitting the concrete thundered through her legs, though it didn't hurt as much as she had expected. She could see Steve watching her as her arms grabbed her bike and revved the engine. She caught his eyes, his brows furrowed in a mix of confusion and anger as she rode past. She couldn't let HYDRA kill him, she wouldn't allow it. Mostly, so that she could feel no more guilt than she already had from her actions that had led to this event. And because she couldn't allow herself to become the very thing that HYDRA had trained her to be – their puppet. Her mind was tuned into the earpiece as she realised the police units had been dispatched. Which meant more guns, and more pain in the ass for her. How was she going to get out of this one? She let a string of curses, pulling away from the area and towards the sounds of screams.

Glint of silver caught her eye and she felt her adrenaline spike. Everything around her seem to slow down, her ears cutting out all the sounds as she braked hard to the left. Her leg supported the bike as she breathed heavily, her eyes desperately grasping every detail. This was the man that had killed them.

Anger was etched on the visible top half of his face and his eyes emanated rage. The metal appendage was marked with a familiar red star. Where had she seen that before? There was something mesmerising about him as she stared at him curiously. A sharp feeling tugging in her chest as she watched him. His gait was heavier on the left as he walked, reloading the grenade launcher he had at hand with a loud click.

She started up her bike and heard the tires screech as she turned it around so her back was towards him. She narrowly dodged the police car he fired with the grenade launcher, looking back to see it collide into a line of parked cars. It only took a flick of her wrist to smother the flames into a flurry of black smoke. Tess could hear him loading up another round and she realised she would have to abandon her bike with the number of cars piling up and people running and screaming.

"Move!"

She shot a few rounds into the air as she vaulted over cars. The civilians dispersed instantly at the sound, afraid that they would get caught in the crossfire. An empty car was heading her way, she stepped onto the bonnet and flipped over until she was back on her feet facing the trunk. She threw her hands forward, using the flames to propel the car towards him. In the small amount of time she had bought herself, she circled back around.

"I make an LZ, twenty-three hundred block of Virginia Avenue. Rendezvous two minutes. Taking fire above and below expressway. Civilians threatened. Repeat, civilians threatened."

Tess waited. She could use Natasha as a distraction before she made her move. She wasn't going to let herself make an impulsive move that would let him slip through her fingers. Natasha leapt over the car as soon as the explosion fired up. Tess contained the fire to protect the civilians running in the area. The red-head swung her legs around his neck and used her garrotte to strangle him, but he pushed her against the car and swung her across the road. The way he had thrown her had reminded her of the man she kept seeing in her memories. She shook it off because this man couldn't be him.

She took the opportunity to kick his stomach to make drop to his knees. She pulled the sword out of his grasp and flipped over him, pulling his head into a headlock as she hit him with the butt of her sword twice before he used his gun to hit her face and twisted around to slam her against the floor. He grabbed her throat and watched her as the oxygen left her body under his vice grip.

His eyes alone embodied death. There was an emptiness behind them yet the ferocity that seemed to roar at her was the thing that made her hesitate. It made her angry that she saw the beauty in the iciness of his gray eyes. A sort of familiarity within them.

"Hernandez." She choked out. The hand around her neck slackened slightly. "You killed him."

She saw Natasha throw a circular disk, that short circuited his left arm. It gave her enough time for her flaming hands to ram into his chest, a wave of force flipping him backwards. Her hands clutched at her throat as she tried to breathe before she grabbed her sword, her throat feeling like sandpaper as she coughed. Natasha had left quickly after she had helped her escape and so had the man.

The STRIKE team were on their way. She let out a string of incomprehensible swear words as she ran. She could hear Natasha shouting for people to get out of the way before a loud shot rang through the air. Then a clanging of metal meeting as she looked over to her right, Steve was now fighting her fight.

Legs hit her back and she felt her body scrape against the concrete, her sword clattered far from her reach. She got up, her legs using a nearby car as the momentum behind her punch. Sam stumbled back but it didn't stop her from side kicking him until he fell on his back. She saw him reach for the gun and she pulled it from his hands before he could fire at her. She aimed the gun at his head.

"What the hell is Project Insight?"

"Why would I tell you?"

"I'm here to stop HYDRA. I know SHIELD's compromised and he has something to do with the satellite launching ship that Sitwell was on. Now tell me." She snarled. Her hand was on the side of his face, the heat of it making him sweat. He gritted his teeth, trying to resist the burning heat against his skin and she saw the conflict in answering her question fading. Her eyes flashed bright orange at him as she waited impatiently for him to answer.

"They're going to use an algorithm to kill millions of people." He spat.

"How?"

"Something about SHIELD Helicarriers."

He pulled a knife to slit her arm that was holding a gun. She blocked it easily and twisted it out of his arm before hitting him with the butt of the gun. She took off, heading towards the real fight. Her mind was piecing the info she had as she went. The Lemurian Star's satellites were being used as a targeting system, linked with a highly intelligent algorithm it could target whoever they wanted in the world in less than a minute. She didn't know what the Helicarriers were, but she was afraid to know.

She looked to the figure that was on the floor. Natasha. Her body was slumped against the car, her hand holding her wound as she dragged herself - attempting to move out of the way. She was in bad shape. The blood leaking out of her shoulder and dripping through her fingers. She didn't have time to give her any medical aid, even if the woman had saved her.

Tess ran towards the fight, gunshots following closely behind from Sam as she reached the metal-armed man. Steve was running back to get his shield which she managed to discreetly throw a tracking device on. She let her hands glow fire red as she dodged and punched, evading the knife the man held and burning his human hand as he fought her. He kicked her backwards when she was slow, and Steve rushed in to stop the knife slicing across her navel but was too late. The adrenaline dulled the pain, but she couldn't help but feel anger at her mistake. The sensation of blood gushing from her abdomen did nothing to stop her as she sprang back on her feet, the tissue that he had cut open no doubt tearing at her actions and watched Steve as he slammed the shield into the masked man's face before grabbing his face and throwing him over his shoulder.

His mask clattered to the floor. He turned.

She knew that face.

Steve stood up straighter and his grip on the shield slackened. "Bucky?"

"Who the hell is Bucky?"

His voice. She knew that voice.

"Soldat." She whispered in disbelief.

His eyes landed on her.

Her heart was pounding out of her chest, her lungs heaving for breath as she stared at him. The word tumbling out of her mouth without her permission. Her fingernails dug into her palm and she tried hard to not close her eyes as she anticipated the memories. They flooded in like a dam opening up its gates to ferocious waters, desperate to drown her mind. This was the man in her dream.

She pulled down her mask. An action that she wouldn't have ever considered doing previously. But she felt so vulnerable under his unrecognizing gaze.

Images flashed of their legs tangled under sheets in the dark and her fingers dancing his bare chest. Her lips against the skin where his metal appendage was grafted on to raw and scarred skin and then his hands were tracing her figure as she intensely stared at the uncommon smile on his face. He only smiled at her, she thought. There was intense clanging sound that became unbearably loud.

She was bloody now, her knuckles split wide open as she feebly punched and missed. Fatigue wracking her body as she fell until his human hand gripped her hair by the scalp. Dragging her against the floor before throwing her against the wall. Sounds of gunfire rang in her ear, but there was nothing to be seen. He grabbed her hair and forced her to look at the scene unveiling before her. Her eyes were barely open as she saw him aiming his gun to the right. At his target.

It was Hernandez.

It felt like time had slowed as she ran forward, jumping at him as she blocked the gun to take the bullet. She realised as she prevented the gun from firing, Hernandez looked different than what she had seen moments ago.

The target wasn't Hernandez, it was Steve.

Was something happening to her? Why was she hallucinating him standing right where Steve was standing?

She felt feet against her back before she heard Sam coming, as she was thrown across the road. The sound of something mechanical was unusually clear as she got up. She would've turned at the sound, but her eyes were on the Soldier as soon as she opened them.

The sound of Natasha picking up his grenade launcher caught her attention. She rolled to cover, seeing him do the same a split-second after her. The imploding car bursting into flames echoed in her ears as she felt a cold arm grab hers and something hitting her on the back of the head.

And then it was black.


	7. Benign

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning. reference to sexual violence/abuse.

**Добросердечный**

"it takes one person to forgive, it takes two people to be reunited." – _Lewis B. Smedes_

★★★

"They're ready for you."

His words had an American accent and she knew him to be one of the higher-ranking officials of HYDRA. There were shadows dark lines and wrinkles on his face, the strands of grey amongst the dull blond told his age. His voice was gruff beside her ear and she could tell by the way his eyes dragged sharply over her that he only saw her as a weapon. And something to be used. The way that he stood over her as she sat on the bed, neither instructing her to go to them or to remain here, told her that he wasn't here for official purposes.

"But there's something I need."

His breath smelled of ash and blood as he pulled at a piece of her dark hair. She stayed still, controlling her breathing when it got hitched in her throat. He was taunting her to test how well she complied and how well she could understand the undertones of his words. He watched intently into her dark eyes as he trailed his fingers roughly across the front of her tactical suit.

She had learned quickly that resistance was only met with punishment. Showing her pain would worsen things. Even if she was a valued asset amongst HYDRA officials. The senior officers usually looked the other way when things like this occurred and some were the people who did it. She kept her eyes on straight ahead of her. Her hands resting on her knees as she sat still. The walls of the cell beginning to close in her, as they did in these situations. It was getting harder to resist killing him, now more than ever. She had done it before but even the thought made her hear the electric crackle of that machine. The temptation to feel the life leave his body was desirable. But she couldn't risk it. Not now.

Footsteps were approaching. The weight of one heavier than the other. Her eyes flickered to the door before returning to where they had been. An unnoticeable breath of relief managed to escape before she could stop herself. The man grinned at her, taking her reaction as one of discomfort as he tightened his grip. The man didn't move his hand when the other entered, he only turned to glared at the person who had interrupted his indulgence. His face etched into a cold smile. The presence of the other man had turned the air cold, and she felt ashamed that he had witnessed what happened.

"Soldier escort the asset." The man ordered. His voice showing no sign of guilt or remorse as he left her cell.

She waited a moment. Waiting for the touch of his hands on her body to leave. She closed her eyes and turned her head slightly away from the standing man as she furrowed her brows. It was beginning to dissipate but with much unwanted resistance. The flashbacks of other hands on her bare skin fighting their way to the surface.

But her Soldier's touch...

Her eyes locked on his, his face revealed not a single emotion. Though his eyes were as soft as they every could be. That cybernetic arm clenched by his side and his eyebrows slightly creased from anger. Or was it worry? She could never tell what was going on in that mind of his. And he preferred it that way – he made that clear from the beginning. He watched her attentively as she stood up slowly towards him. Looking up to him as she placed her hand gently on his shoulder, the other one under his chin, tugging his head toward hers until their noses touched. She pushed away the memory of the other blond man's contact when he placed that metal hand delicately on her lower back.

"I'll kill him." He murmured against her skin.

"We'll kill them all. In time." She whispered back before their lips touched.

★

It was dusk outside when she awoke. She could see that daylight had been replaced with a purple tinted sky through the edge of the blind that didn't completely obscure the window. Her surroundings were unfamiliar though it didn't faze her as much as it was disorientating. The situation remarkably similar to when she had woken up in that hospital with no recollection of who she was. The uncharacteristic nervousness began to settle in as she recalled the events that had happened. If he was with _them_ then she was more than willing to play her part, though there was some reservation – the main one being her being caught and killed by them.

She groaned internally. The back of her head where he had unnecessarily struck her skull throbbed in pain and was most likely the reason why she had been out for so long. Her fingers gingerly touched her throat, it had healed but was still very much bruised. Her abdomen hadn't fully healed either and she could feel the deeper tissues where he had sliced her still stinging as she moved around. He had removed her chest plate to tend to the wound which was now unnecessarily bandaged. Her arm reached to tighten around her shoulder as she got up. She was still as functional as she was made to be, her endurance was still at a high even after a facedown with the... Soldier.

Soldat, she had called him. Russian for soldier. It was what she had called him because they had given him no real name other than the Winter Soldier, and when she had asked he had no answer for her. Her stomach twisted at the thought. She knew now what it was like to know nothing, as he had when she was younger. No, she told herself. He killed for them – he had killed Hernandez. Hadn't she killed for them? They had done horrifying things to make sure she was susceptible to orders, perhaps they done the same to him. And she knew he had been there long before she was born, she couldn't possibly know what they had done to him to make him like that. But he was the cold-blooded assassin they made him to be, not the man she had trusted enough to share a bed with, so she wasn't sure who she'd be facing when he returned.

Tess looked around, her eyes mainly searching for her weapons. It would be stupid of him to leave them on display, but she knew they had to be somewhere. From what she could tell he had taken her to an old unused apartment and that they were still in Washington. She had no time to search around when she could hear him in the bathroom, the running water sounding loud in the tense silence. She saw the first aid kit on the dresser beside the bed and searched for anything she could use as a weapon; the small scissors inside would work well enough. She wrapped her fingers around the handle, the sharp tip against her forearm as she settled back against the pillow.

She heard footsteps, their step being heavier on one side than the other as they left the bathroom, the flicking of a switch and then silence. The silence lasted too long. She suspected that he knew she was awake, and her suspicions were confirmed when he spoke.

"I remember you." His voice was rough and slow as though he was unsure of his words. "Why do I remember you?"

She sat up, the scissors still hidden beneath the cover as she slowly turned to face him. Her clutch on them slipped at the sight of him. She could feel the ghost of that metal arm wrapping around her throat and she tried hard to stop her fingers from touching it. He was exactly as she remembered. Nothing about his features had changed. She couldn't help staring at him as she realised that he hadn't aged since the first time she had ever met him. He was still as he sat there, still wearing the same tactical gear he had on during the fight. His damaged metal arm rested on the table while he watched her intently before looking away. No emotion was displayed on his face – not any that she could recognize.

"Soldat. Mission report."

"You're with them." His voice broke.

Tess hated herself for saying the words. Repeating them as they did to him before she would hear electricity crackling and then screaming. She silenced the sounds in her mind as she watched his exterior harden, hands clenched as he resisted the order. It was like he was fighting the war inside his mind before he collected himself. She couldn't allow herself to ask again after seeing the pain it had caused him.

"Aren't you?"

He looked away, his answer concealed behind locked walls. She waited, knowing that it had worked multiple times before in getting needed intel. But he wasn't a target or an assignment she needed to fulfil, he was a person she loved. Did she still love him? Was she supposed to? It was a turmoil of unusual emotions inside her and she couldn't think clearly. She knew what it was like to love him and it was an unparalleled rush of desire that she never knew she was missing. It was all mingling with the emotions she had about him presently. If it wasn't love, then it was something close to it.

"Your name?" His gaze latched on to her. "Your name was Alina."

She froze. The room seemed to darken around her as she stared at him. Her mind blanked at his words, yet the way he had said the name seemed to trigger something within her. More thoughts of his skin against hers erupted and she had to rein herself back into her body before she could speak.

"Alina?"

She looked up at the sound of him. He was standing now, his hand half reaching towards her and his face was contorted into another hidden emotion. She looked at where she was. Her body had manged to pulled her out of the bed and against the window, her back pressing against the blinds in fear. The scissors were hidden behind her and she felt the sharp tip dig into her skin, enough to draw blood. She glanced down to see the streak of blood running down her forearm before looking back at him.

"Why did you take me?" She whispered.

"I – I don't know."

"Don't bullshit me." She let panic slip through her words. "You took me for a reason. Did they tell you –"

"No. I don't know. They sent me after the man on the bridge."

She swore internally in a range of languages. Sam had said that launch was in sixteen hours and she had lost precious time when she was knocked out. She didn't have time to waste here with him even if everything in her told her to stay here with him. The tracking device she had put on Steve's shield would no doubt direct where she needed to be. And she needed to take her Soldier with her.

She put the scissors down on the bedside table as a sign of peace. The cut on her forearm had already healed and the blood it had drawn was drying on her skin. He watched her movements carefully as she set them down. "Come with me." She wasn't sure if she was asking him or if she was telling him. The survivalist part of her argued against the words, bringing thoughts of their fight to mind, but she knew that she couldn't leave him behind. Not this time.

"I can't."

"Don't make let them make you their prisoner. Leave with me," she swallowed the lump in her throat. "Please."

"They'll find me." His eyes had unveiled the terror strained his voice. "They always find me."

She so desperately wanted to call his name, but she didn't know it. And she wouldn't risk calling him the same thing they had called him, it would only remind him of the things they had made him do and the terrible person she really was. She crossed the room until they were only a few feet apart. She didn't know what to say to convince him, the thoughts on her mind racing as she stood so close to him.

"I'm not going to give up on you." Her hand reached for him and goose bumps appeared across her skin as she feared his reaction. He flinched at her hand reaching for his and she refrained from recoiling from the sudden movement. She started to step back to give him space but felt his fingers hold on to her to stop her.

"I don't know why I know you. But I know I can't let them find you." He said lowly.

She furrowed her brows and bit back her tears. This was the man she knew. Not the one on the highway. This was the man who had who had trained her to survive HYDRA and who had loved her so deeply that he was willing to sacrifice everything so that she could be free. She let the tear slip and her fingers had found themselves intertwined with his human hand and her other hand had gently rested on his chest.

"I can't let them find you." She whispered back, frantically.

"Alina... Go."

His fingers fell from her grasp and his face once twisted with emotion had resumed its mask. She chewed her lip in decision as she stood there, the weight of the world on her shoulders. She would be leaving him behind to stop Project Insight. But she knew what they would do to him and she couldn't stop the crackle of electricity in her ears and his screams. Millions of people, Sam had said. But only one mattered to her. She placed her hand on the side of his face, her fingertips brushing past his hair. An inch separating them as she watched his eyes lock onto hers. She could see the slight tinge of blue in his gray eyes and the warmth beneath his skin. Her fingers slid into his hair as he leaned down so that their foreheads touched, nose to nose as she tried to breathe him in. She didn't want to know what they would do to him if she left him here to be found. She didn't want to know the things they had already done to him when she was out in the real world acting as their puppet. But she wanted him to know one last thing.

"I'll find you again." She murmured. It was a promise that she would return to him, no matter what. And she hoped that he believed her.


	8. Homecoming

**Bозвращение Hа Pодину**

"sometimes you have to surrender before you win." – _Gregory David Roberts_

★★★

Tess didn't know what she was going to do. She had driven for hours; her eyes were on the verge of closing as she arrived in the area of the last signal. The co-ordinates told her it was a dam, so SHIELD must've had some sort of dam facility. The car she had stolen had run out of gas halfway through which meant the next two hours consisted of walking and thinking of ways she would explain herself to them – if she didn't pass out first.

They wouldn't trust her. Why would they? She was a murderer and she couldn't blame them. She wasn't sure if she could even trust herself. How could she when she let herself get played by a terrorist organisation? And with each minute that she neared her destination she wondered if she should've let HYDRA take her along with her Soldier.

When she had finally reached the facility, she had spent an hour trying to find a weak spot for her to get inside. She found a thick, heavy metal door at the end of the dam crest which was going to be the place she burned a hole into. It would set off enough alarms inside for them to realise that someone was trying to break in. She only hoped that they wouldn't shoot her as soon as they saw her.

Taking a deep breath, she provoked the embers flames ignited in her hands. She touched the metal framing, letting the heat melt away the layers of reinforced metal. Dark brown eyes turned into amber as she continued to dig her hands deeper. The door was now at elbow length and she wondered how long it would take for her to get through the door frame. Her sensitive ears caught the sound of an alarm over the metal melting and burning. It wouldn't take long now, she thought. Her breath was becoming deeper and she felt her head become incredibly light. Her fired up hands were flickering before distinguishing completely on their own. She let out a few curses, her speech weak and slurred.

"Show me your hands!"

The voice sounded distorted and deep. She couldn't tell who it was as her vision started to spot black. She tried to listen to them and she wondered if her hands were no longer in the door as she tried to turn to face them.

"I need a-"

Her vision completely blacked, her body hitting the floor with a slam. She could hear muffled voices, the feeling of blood trickling out of her ears as she felt her body being turned to her side. There was a loud ringing that was blocking out the voices and she felt herself embrace the blinding light that had appeared.

It was snow.

Her hands covered her eyes, trying to block the sudden intensity of the outside from the darkness below. The sky was pale blue with no clouds in sight, the entire landscape blanketed in snow. She waisted those precious seconds on breathing it in, the relief of escaping.

She ran, her mind and body were trained her entire life to meet their physical demands. And now, she would turn their weapon into her ticket to freedom. Her mind focussed on her breathing and conserving her energy as her bare feet dug into the snow. She needed to find shelter, if they sent the Winter Soldier...

Soldier.

She had left him behind. They were going to torture him for this, allowing her to escape from them, and if they found out they were together... Her body kept moving, faster and faster but her mind was tormenting her as she heard the screams ringing in her ear.

The clang of metal reached her ears. They were out, and they were fully armed. She could hear the clear recalibration of that cybernetic arm, the Galil scraping against the metal as he took aim. She slid through the snow, taking cover from his shot.

She let out her last breath, hoping her Soldier wouldn't blame himself. Her ears were filled with a roaring crash of the ocean. Her body laid on the snow, her eyes taking in her last look of the settling snowflakes on the cushion of white.

The blinding white snow melted into the burning sun.

"They wiped him," he called out in Russian. "But he still remembered you."

She hesitated, and the agent knew she would. He pulled the trigger, the sound of the bullet stifled by the ocean waves behind her crashing against the cliffside. Her finger instinctively shooting the gun in her hand as she attempted to move out of his aim.

But she was too late, the piercing pain shooting through her shoulder as she fell backwards. The rush of wind as her body limply fell through the air and down to the ocean. Maybe this was her last breath, she tried to think of something, anything but she had no time. The crack she heard would've been terrifying, but she fell back into blackness.

★

Tess opened her eyes and searched the room, desperate for the real world. It felt real enough as she looked towards the doctor that was taking her pulse and the figures of the others further back. Her head settling back against the flat pillow in masked frustration. She really had left him behind.

"She's up."

"Who are you?" Steve folded is arms, his face stony as he watched her.

She stayed silent, her eyes studying his blue ones carefully. She had to be careful in what she said and how she acted, which meant understanding the situation more clearly before responding.

"She's a world-class assassin." The dark-haired woman spoke up in the silence. "She's on every list there is, including ours."

"She's a killer."

"Killer of killers." She corrected in a monotonous tone. "The Avengers may be defending the world from the things it needs protection against. But I took down people that could've killed thousands. I saved lives, only you don't see me in a tower with my name on it." She added darkly.

There was a pause.

"How do you know Bucky?"

"Is that his name?" She tried to mask her surprise. The name didn't seem to suit the man she knew. He waited for her to answer his question. "HYDRA."

"She's one of them." Sam said lowly to him.

"We don't have time for this." Natasha piped up from the edge of the room. "Insight's going to launch in less than eight hours."

"Where is he?"

Her eyes flickered between his. "I don't know."

"You're lying." His voice was gruff and low as he closed the distance to stand over her. His hand tightened painfully around her forearm as his face turned dark.

She masked her shock as she stared him down. " _They_ took him. That's all I know."

His grip tightened. "You let them take him."

"Steve." Natasha's voice was reproaching, and she saw Steve realise what he was doing to her arm. When he let go she felt the blood rush back and she unclenched her fist that she didn't realise had stiffened in response.

She turned away from Steve, his words cutting through her like a knife. She had let them take him and she should've fought harder against his decision to stay. He wasn't allowed to make self-sacrificing decisions like that. Not for her.

"Why didn't he remember me?"

"They have a machine," she shuddered involuntarily. "It wipes – they wipe his memory."

"What's HYDRA planning to do with him?"

"Most likely they'll..." She felt her mouth become dry. "They're gonna wipe him and send him back into the field to finish the mission."

"What's your play?"

She turned her attention to the red head. "HYDRA needs to be dismantled before Insight launches. I'm here to make sure that happens."

"What makes you think we can't do that without you?" Fury asked, doubting her assistance.

"What makes you think you can?" Her words were like a double edge blade. She turned to Steve. "You don't have many people on your _team_ , Cap. I know HYDRA, how they work, how they'll use... Him."

"Are we really trusting her?" Sam asked in disbelief.

"No, but she's coming with us." He turned his attention back to Tess. "And, if she really is a double agent, I'll deal with her myself."

★

She had learnt that the doctor that had patched her up was called Fine. He told her that she was severely dehydrated and that the collapse was caused by exhaustion. At least from what he could tell, he wasn't highly experience with people that had abilities similar to hers. He noted that the injuries she had sustained on the highway were almost healed and had no signs of infection. She thanked him sincerely and he nodded stiffly in response.

When she was free to walk around the facility under their watch, she sat on the other side of the room and patched up her suit in silence. They removed all her weaponry and tactical gear, including her sword which made her unsure if they would return it to her. It seemed they had already planned what they were going to do about Project Insight and only informed her of the part she would play after she had given as much knowledge on HYDRA protocols. It was smart, she thought. If she didn't know the plan then it would be harder for her to stop it, especially if she was HYDRA. Which she wasn't.

Sam had not spoken to her, only giving her harsh glares when she did catch his eye. It wasn't in her to apologize, she had never done it before – unless it was under the pretence of her cover. He had been tinkering around with his suit, which she remembered as the EXO Falcon. She walked over and stood close enough so that he could notice her presence.

"I'm sorry." She stated plainly. "I know you probably won't accept it as truth and I wouldn't expect you to... But I am."

He stared back at her, the glare no longer in his eyes as he thought about her words. She nodded awkwardly at his silence, taking that as his response, before walking away.

"What's your real name?"

Tess turned back to face him, but he wasn't looking at her.

"I didn't know all this time, until he told me." She said detachedly. She looked at the floor in discomfort, remembering the name 'Bucky' had called her. She realized how he might view this as a way for her to elicit some sympathy for her, so she looked straight back up at him. "Stick to Tess." She offered a small smile. He merely nodded before turning back to what he had been doing.

She saw Steve opening a door down the hallway. From his body language he seemed to be distressed. Perhaps it was the thought of Bucky not remembering him again. She headed in that direction, passing Natasha, Fury and the dark-headed woman she had noted as Hill. When she reached him on the dam crest where she had tried to break in, she slowed her step. Tess thought about her words carefully, unsure of how he'd react to them as she cleared her throat. Her arms folded loosely across her chest and she looked over the still water. He was leaning on the edge of the wall, taking a glance at her before straightening up and returning his focus back on the water.

"I wanted to say before," she paused. Irritation started to fill her body at the uneasiness of the situation. "He'll remember you. You have to trust that he will."

He looked at her, a hint of gratitude displayed on his face before it became neutral again. "I'm sorry about the arm."

She nodded to accept his apology before starting to walk away from him.

"You love him."

Tess couldn't tell if he meant it as a question or statement. But it did make her pause in her step at the word. There were things she didn't understand when she was on her own. Her ability to love someone being one of them and trust being the other. She understood now that it was because her heart had already belonged to someone else, someone she had forgotten. The guilt of what she had done to him would never leave her, never truly. But she knew she could make things right by following up on the promise she had made to him.

She nodded.

"James Buchanan Barnes." When she continued to look at him, he added. "That was his name."

"Thank you." She nodded again, giving him a tentative smile. Steve had given her something so valuable so freely, she felt indebted to him. She walked away with his name repeating in her head so that she would never forget it and so that maybe, just maybe he could remember her again.


	9. One

**Oдин**

"glory, built on selfish principles, is shame and guilt." - _William Cowper_

★★★

Steve's speech had been playing in her head. The price of freedom is high. Hers had come at the cost of leaving James behind and following orders from the same people but from a different channel. It didn't matter that she didn't like Steve, his morals were enviable. They seemed to be so crystal clear on what was right and wrong, his methods were lenient than her unforgiving ones, but it made her wonder where she had gone so wrong. She had started using her skills because it was the only thing that gave her purpose. Even though she had no reputation or money she still ensured that she was using her abilities for 'good'. To protect the people that couldn't be seen or heard, the people that didn't matter to society. And then, it turned political. Government officials that had covered up the worst crimes she had seen, judges that had been paid off multiple times by cartels and so much more. And now HYDRA had overseen her cases, deciding what targets required her level of efficiency to be put down.

She was in the elevator besides two other HYDRA agents, silently riding up to the top floor. Her face covered by a photostatic veil of a man. It was risky for her to be impersonating a man when she knew the veil worked best with the same sex, but the agent had a similar built to her. And HYDRA seemed to be lacking in their female agents department. Besides, she was wearing a baseball cap which drew less attention to her face and hid all her hair. They walked out, following a man who she had identified as second in command in the STRIKE unit. She watched him carefully, analysing him as they entered the World Security Council meeting. He was a low-level threat; his skills weren't a match against hers, but it was still unwise to underestimate her opponents.

"You smug son of a bitch." One of the councilmen said to Pierce once Steve's speech had ended.

She glanced at each of the council members. There was only one woman which she could only assume was Natasha – they hadn't detailed her on any of their roles except her own. She understood their reasons because of the immense risk they were taking to even trust her. She was only grateful that Steve was able to understand the loyalty she had to James, though her role didn't include any involvement with him. That would change very quickly when she got her chance.

Her blood turned cold at the sight of him. The blond man that was standing in front of the council members, the one that Steve had called Alexander Pierce. His presence hit her with the smell of ash and blood and she struggled to smother her fears alongside the wrathful fires that were building. Her mouth felt dry as she recalled those hands on her body and his words against her ear. He was the one who had done terrible things to her and James. He was the one who had taken him and put him in that machine again. It took everything in her to keep herself collected.

"Arrest him."

The agent in charge pulled a gun and pointed it at the councilman that spoke.

"I guess I've got the floor." Pierce said sharply. He sighed and walked towards the wall length windows, watching the havoc that was being wreaked on the Helicarriers. Pierce looked back from the window. "Let me ask you a question. What if Pakistan marched into Mumbai tomorrow, and you knew that they were gonna drag your daughters into a soccer stadium for execution?" He handed him a glass of champagne after placing his phone on the table. "And you could just stop it with a flick of the switch. Wouldn't you?" He turned to all the council members. "Wouldn't you all?"

"Not if it was your switch." The councilman threw the glass and it shattered, spilling the contents on the floor.

Pierce smiled cruelly at him before looking towards her. She felt her breath become heavy as his eyes latched on to hers, unable to recognize her beneath the mask. She stepped forward to hand him an unloaded gun and he took it swiftly to point at the councilman. She stepped back, behind the other two agents as she waited. Her time to kill this man would come. Natasha must not have trusted that the gun was empty as she kicked the councilman away and took down the other agents before taking the gun from Pierce and aiming it at him. Natasha took off her photostatic veil and the wig in a dramatic reveal.

"I'm sorry. Did I step on your moment?"

Pierce looked surprised. His gaze turned to the only agent that Natasha had left standing, who had another gun pointed at him. Tess gave him a wry smile as her body heated up, burning through the clothing to reveal her suit as she peeled off her veil. His face became stony as he watched her.

"I hope you're ready to suffer," she said lowly. 

Her eyes flickered to Natasha and there was a slight nod. Tess kept her watch on Pierce and she could see the other councillors getting nervous at the situation. Natasha had crossed the room to the computer, starting her work.

"What are you doing?"

"She's disabling security protocols and dumping all the secrets onto the Internet," Pierce answered.

"Including HYDRA's," Natasha added.

"And SHIELD's. If you do this, none of your past is gonna remain hidden. Are you sure you're ready for the world to see you as you really are?" Pierce turned his attention to Tess. "Is Satan's Knight ready for that?"

"Are you?" 

Tess thought about what Natasha was doing. There could be information about herself in those files, things she couldn't have come close to accessing before. There was an unusual feeling that ran through her body. She feared what could be on those files. People she had killed, places she had trained, an unseen presence of the things she had done for the world to see.

"Why are you here?" He asked. She ignored him but that didn't stop him from continuing. "You think he'll remember you, but he won't."

"You think I care for him?" She let out a light laugh. Natasha glanced at her, suspicion rising at her words, but it was only a well masked lie. "You made sure I wasn't capable of such things."

"Yet you were capable of defecting."

"They promised me your head," she replied coldly. "I don't think HYDRA will be able to grow two more after that. I'll make sure of it."

"Do you think they'll let you walk free after all this?"

He walked closer towards her and she pointed the gun at him threateningly. He froze, raising his hands slowly. She knew what he was doing, and she tried to not let it get to her head.

They wouldn't let her free, she knew that as soon as she revealed her face on that highway. But she was willing to let them take her if it meant James would be free, because if anyone manged to take him in other than them it would mean imprisonment for him. And she wouldn't allow that to happen. Even if it meant hurting people.

"Disabling the encryption is an executive order, it takes two Alpha Level members." He called back over his shoulder to Natasha.

"Don't worry, company's coming," Natasha answered with a smirk.

She didn't turn to look at the helicopter that she could hear landing on the helipad outside. She could tell from Pierce's face the moment that Fury had stepped off it. It was amusing to say the least.

"Did you get my flowers?" Fury only responded with a hard glare, though Tess was unsure if that was just his natural resting face. "I'm glad you're here, Nick." Pierce continued.

"Really? Cause I thought you had me killed."

"You know how the game works."

"So why make me head of SHIELD?"

"Because you were the best and the most ruthless person I ever met."

"I did what I did to protect people."

"Our enemies are your enemies, Nick. Disorder, war. It's just a matter of time before a dirty bomb goes off in Moscow, or an EMP fries Chicago. Diplomacy? Holding action, a band-aid. And you know where I learned that; Bogota. You didn't ask, you just did what had to be done. I can bring order to the lives of seven billion people by sacrificing twenty million." He paused. "It's the next step, Nick, if you have the courage to take it."

She wondered if her reasoning behind the things she had done had sounded as tyrannical as Pierce's explanation. It wasn't like she ever wanted to kill twenty million people, but she thought she was doing the right thing, as was Pierce. She stood by her actions, the ones she knew HYDRA couldn't have been involved in. Bailey, Sanderson, Thompson, Guerra and Hernandez being only five out of the hundreds of people she had saved by killing people. What if those twenty million people were the ones who were murdering, raping and trafficking millions of people across the world? Did they deserve to live? 

HYDRA wasn't the one who got to decide that and neither did she.

"No, I have the courage not to."

Fury grabbed Pierce and pulled him towards the retinal scanner, both Tess and Natasha pointed their guns at him. Tess felt herself itching to pull the trigger, it would be so easy, but she knew she would have to wait a little longer.

_"_ _Retinal scanner active."_

"You don't you think we wiped your clearance from the system?"

"I know you erased my password, probably deleted my retinal scan, but if you want to stay ahead of me, Mr. Secretary..." He took off his eyepatch to show his scarred left eye. "You need to keep both eyes open." They both looked into the retinal scanner.

_"_ _Alpha Level confirmed. Encryption code accepted. Safeguards removed."_

"Done." Natasha looked at the phone. "And it's trending."

Pierce clicked the phone he had in his hand causing the council members to fall, the pins attached to their suits burning brightly. Fury, Tess and Natasha turned their guns on him. He held the phone threateningly to Natasha, the pin on her patiently waiting to be triggered.

"Unless you want two-inch hole in your sternum, I'd put that gun down." None of them moved. "That was armed the moment you pinned it on."

Fury and Natasha glanced at each other, slightly defeated as they reluctantly lowered their guns. Tess kept hers trained on Pierce. She couldn't let him walk away from this. She had to make sure he suffered for what he did to her. What he had done to James. Was it worth sacrificing Natasha Romanoff?

"Dixon put the gun down." Fury ordered lowly.

Her breathing felt heavy as she stared at the phone in his hand. His finger was close on the button and her finger was so close to pulling the trigger. She glanced at Natasha, who was neither surprised nor disappointed at her actions. One life for twenty million. She wouldn't have questioned it before but now, standing there she couldn't help but feel the pressure build on her shoulders. What if it was James in Natasha's place? She thought back to how the red-head had saved her on the highway. Was this her chance to repay that debt?

Tess gave her a slight nod before lowering her weapon.

"Put it down and kick it to me." She did as he said. "Oh, you could've been so much more. The world needs people like you." He let out a sigh. "It's unfortunate that you had a change of heart."

He turned the gun on her quickly, firing into her abdomen twice without a second thought. Her back slammed against the floor. They had gone through her chest plate and she could feel the bullets in her body as she pressed her hands over the wounds to add pressure to them. She gritted her teeth in pain as the blood started to pool. She could heal faster than an average person but not as fast as a super soldier. Something like this would take a couple days to completely heal.

He turned to the radio. "Lieutenant, how much longer?"

_"_ _Sixty-five seconds to satellite link. Targeting grid engaged. Lowering weapons array now."_

"We are go to targets."

They watched as the Helicarriers in the sky fixed their guns on millions of people. She felt a shudder as she thought about what was about to happen, her body bracing itself for the sounds she was going to hear. Though it could've been from the amount of blood she was losing. She couldn't help but think if what she had done was the right thing.

There was a change, the Helicarriers were moving from their positions and their guns turned to face each other. She glanced at Fury and Natasha, a look of unease shared between them as the guns fired at each other, parts of the Helicarrier exploding. Something in their plans had gone, she could feel it.

She tried to focus her attention on how they would get out of the situation that he had put them in. She was down, but she wouldn't be for long which meant he intended to escape as soon as he could. She wasn't sure if Pierce intended to kill Fury, but it wouldn't be the first time, so she assumed he would. She looked at Natasha and saw how sly her hands were as she reached for something.

"What a waste." Pierce sighed as he watched the destruction.

"Are you still on the fence about Rogers' chances?" Natasha smirked, and Pierce only watched her carefully before speaking.

"Time to go, Councilwoman." Pierce pulled Natasha away, heading towards the helicopter outside. "This way, come on. You're going to fly me out of here."

"You know, there was a time I would have taken a bullet for you." Fury said, distractingly.

Pierce stopped in his step, his hold on Natasha unmoving as he looked towards Fury. "You already did. You will again when it's useful."

Natasha activated her taser disk - a powerful electrical discharge set off throughout her body which disabled the pin and rendered her unconscious. Pierce tried to hit the button as she fell but it didn't work. Fury took the chance to shoot him, grabbing a gun from an unconscious agent and making sure it was enough to put him down. He fell through the glass, shattering it completely as he laid on the floor.

"Romanoff! Natasha. Natasha, come on."

Natasha's eyes fluttered open as she groaned. "Those really do sting."

He looked towards Tess. "He's all yours. If you can get up."

She got up, her abdomen seizing from the pain as she stalked towards him. Her hand held tightly onto the handle of her sword as she pulled it from its place, dragging its fiery tip against the marble floor. The screeching noise came to stop as she looked down at him. Blood seeped through his shirt from the bullet wound and dripped from the shattered glass. How pathetic he looked now.

"Nowhere to run," she whispered. He only stared back at her.

"Beautiful." He whispered, his eyes half open as he stared at her fire.

She could feel the memories of hands on her body resurfacing, the sounds of her own voice drowning her as she looked down at him. She felt exposed and vulnerable here, the thought of what had happened washing over with shame and guilt. No. It wasn't her shame and guilt, she told herself. It was his.

It was pure anger-fueled instinct that made her cut his legs off. The sword turning sharply at his knees, the flame cauterizing the wound as soon as it contacted flesh. The sounds of his agony fueled her hatred. This was still nothing compared to what he had done to James.

She felt the fire reach her eyes, the rings of her iris burning bright as she kneeled over him. She wrapped her fingers around his throat, pushing her hand towards the floor. His hands immediately tried to touch his throat, but his hands burned and then he tried to grab her to stop her, but he was suffering too much. The shattered glass near her hands started to melt from the heat. Her mind could no longer think logically. It was only bloodlust, and she needed to sate it.

"Hail HYDRA." He choked out in between the gurgles as his throat burned.

She covered his mouth with her other hand, her anger rising at his last words. The only sound was his shoes scraping against the floor as his body gave out. The skin around her fingers burned and she felt the life leave his body from the pain. Of all the monsters she had slain in her past, none could succeed this.

"I told you I'd make you suffer." She whispered.

When she removed her hands, she couldn't help but look at the blackened gaping hole in his throat and mouth. She sat back, her powers feeling dampened by her actions. Her breath was drawn out and heavy, and she could feel her heart pounding beneath her suit. She could feel their wide-eyed stares cutting deep into her back as she spoke.

"Does anyone have a smoke?"

★

Tess noticed how Natasha kept her distance. The woman, now in her infamous suit, sat on the edge opposite her in the helicopter and she wondered if revealing some extent of her powers to a world class spy was the right decision. She preferred that the redhead gave her space, the bloodlust she had experienced had died down, but her adrenaline was still on a high. Her abilities were trained well her whole life, but it was still volatile especially when it was elicited by emotions.

Her abdomen was aching, a sharp pain would shoot through it if she moved too quickly which was hard not to do on a helicopter that was twisting and turning every few minutes. They had rescued Sam from the crumbling building. One of the Helicarriers had crashed into the Triskelion, sweeping destruction across several floors of the building. Tess had instinctively reached out and caught him before he fell from the other side of the helicopter as it was turned on its side. He gave her a look which was both in gratitude and annoyance which she understood. Natasha helped him up, though Tess could've done it on her own.

He slumped beside Natasha before shouting. "Forty-first floor! Forty-first!"

"It's not like they put the floor numbers on the outside of the building." Fury retorted.

"Hill, where's Steve? You got a location on Rogers?" She asked into the headset.

They circled around the Triskelion, the damage the Helicarrier had caused looked irreparable. Though it didn't matter since SHIELD would no longer be able to be revived after such a substantial scandal like this. She tried to look into the Helicarrier, but the helicopter couldn't get too close without the risk of getting hit by debris.

She turned to Sam. "He's in there with him, isn't he?"

He nodded in response, sweat dripping from his head as he breathed heavily. She looked back out towards the building as they circled around. Her heart was pumping, and the adrenaline was still there, it was like her body was on standby for the worst possible scenario. Her hands were fidgeting, and she wished she could do something, anything to reduce the unexpected anxiety that was building within her.

Seriously? No one had a smoke, she thought.

The debris that was falling from the both the Helicarrier and the Triskelion was immense, the river below was splashing with waves as the wreckage sunk to the bottom. Explosions were continuously ringing out and her body was flooded with fear. The Helicarrier had moved far past the building, slowly sinking through the sky and closer to the Potomac river. Swirling black clouds of smoke and explosions of fires that burst out as more fragments broke off.

She saw him falling. She didn't know how her eyes had spotted the figure from so far, but she knew it was Steve. The colours of his suit had given that away. But there was another figure that she saw, holding onto the Triskelion as his body dangled off the broken edge before falling. Tess didn't hesitate as she jumped, the wind howling in her ears and she heard Sam call out for her as she fell. The helicopter was far from where Steve and James's body had landed which meant she would only have to swim as fast as she could to even come close to reaching them.

Her mind blanked as the water engulfed her body.

It was freezing and using her powers to heat her body wasn't something she could waste her energy on, not that killing Pierce hadn't drained them already. Her arms sliced through the water, pushing through while trying to avoid as much of the rubble as she could. Waves of water submerged her as she continued. The iciness of the river found its way into her core, rattling her bones as she went on. Her breaths were beginning to become limited and she hoped she wouldn't die of hypothermia as passed the area she had seen Steve fall into. The glint of metal caught her eye and she felt herself swallowing more water than she should have as she tried to call out for him. She could see them on the edge.

He was there, not too far from her reach. She swam, her vision was blurred as her moved in and out of the water. Tess pushed her wet hair away from her face once she could feel the surface beneath her feet.

He was gone.

"No. No, no." She whispered, her voice shivered from the cold. "No."

She looked around desperately, her legs dragging on the muddy bank of the river as she kneeled beside Steve's unconscious body. She couldn't help the hot tears that fell down her face, although her body was numb her emotions weren't. She noticed the blood that bloomed through Steve's suit, she put her hand over it to add pressure and pressed two fingers to his neck. He seemed to be already healing, though the cuts and bruises on his face told her he would be unconscious for a while.

She got up and looked at the footprints that walked away from Steve. They were James's and she knew that he would be long gone before she could track him down. He was gone from her life as quickly as he had been in it. And she couldn't stop blaming herself for not getting out of the helicopter earlier, or swimming faster or wasting all her energy on killing Pierce. She swore as she gripped her hair, thinking of what she could do.

There was a reason why he wasn't here. It was the world's punishment on her for what she had done. It had taken away the one thing she had valued above everything else and the one thing that could've changed everything. Was this the world's way of telling her to give up? She didn't know if she should stay here beside Steve until they would arrest her for her crimes. And then what? She'd live in one of those cells for the enhanced for the rest of her life, with no knowledge of what would happen to James. She couldn't do that. She needed to find him. And when she did, she would prove to the world that she was willing to pay for her actions.

He was out there. She could feel it.


	10. Freight Car

**Грузовой Bагон**

"truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." – _Bob Morley_

★★★

She had been walking through the exhibition for a while, checking over exits and blind spots in the security cameras. The news had created more trouble for her since the release of her 'name' and her involvement with HYDRA. She was eating twizzlers as she strolled casually with a few pamphlets in her hand to blend in with everyone else. Her eyes scouring the faces of people as they moved around her, looking for someone in particular.

She knew it was him.

His presence was overwhelmingly familiar. His shoulder length hair sticking out beneath a baseball cap and his fingers hidden beneath black gloves. He was standing in the Captain America exhibition, specifically the area that recognized Bucky Barnes. It must've felt unsettling to see his unaged face displayed freely for the public to view. People walking past, unknowing that he had been captured and brainwashed all these years.

She didn't know what to say to him. The emptiness in her chest had never felt so heavy and her mind was flurrying with thoughts. He had left for a reason, she knew that. He needed time to comprehend what had happened during the times he had missed, to align himself with the man he used to be. But he had abandoned her, just like everyone else.

It was her fault, for getting caught into this mess. He had sacrificed himself for her to escape, perhaps in the hopes that she would return and free him. But she did the very thing she was trained not to become, compromised. Her recklessness caused her injuries and the damage was lasting. Her damage had caused him several more years under HYDRA. Until now.

Her shoulders brushed past strangers as she edged towards to the still figure. She threw away the empty packet she had and kept the last twizzler in her hand. Her heart was pounding, and doubts bloomed, maybe something this public was a bad idea. Her fingers strummed on her leg as an output for her nervousness. before she finally stood beside him.

"You found me." He glanced, his voice strained with an emotion she couldn't recognize.

"You're disappointed." She noted, biting into the twizzler she had in her hand.

"Only that you didn't come sooner."

She looked at him, her surprise quickly masked before he could catch it. She took the opportunity to look at him. Exhaustion was clearly displayed on his face yet there was a flicker of amusement in his eyes. She folded her arms and looked straight ahead, chewing and swallowing the piece she had in her mouth.

"What're you gonna do?" She asked.

"Haven't figured it out." He paused, glancing in her direction. She noticed how his eyes softened when they landed on her. "What about you?"

"Had a few projects but they're on hold. Got busy looking for someone."

"Were they worth finding?" He asked curiously.

"Haven't figured it out."

He smiled at that, shaking his head a little as he began walking. The crowd seamlessly moving past him as she trailed behind, discreetly looking over her shoulder as she went. It would take less than a second for something to go wrong, even if she had the Winter Soldier by her side. It wouldn't take more than a few words for him to turn against her, she remembered that clearly.

"It's dangerous." He said seriously as they halted to look at the displays. "Being with me."

"That's not enough to scare me off, James." She tutted before finishing the twizzler. If he was surprised by the use of his first name – he didn't show it.

"It should." He let out a shaky sigh, his eyes on his left arm. "They'll kill to get to me."

"Then they'll die trying." She let herself voice that untamed anger, her fingers digging into her palm as she clenched her jaw. She took a breath, calming her rocky emotions. "Besides, we've always worked better as a team."

He looked at her blankly.

"I'll be the disappointed one if you don't remember at least one of those nights."

The look of perplexity shifted to something she couldn't recognise. She bit back anymore words as she glanced away, unsure if she had overstepped or not. She should let him remember events on his own, not guilt him when he couldn't. He didn't seem to follow her thinking when his fingers lightly interlaced with hers. He started walking again, pulling her along with him.

"I remember." He said softly, squeezing her hand delicately. "Every single one of them."

She stared at him, a strange feeling of comfort flooding her system. They stopped again but this time it was near the back exit and she felt their hands untangle. He looked at her carefully. She wondered if she had come all this way only for him to give a her a formal goodbye.

"Let me come with you." She said, her feelings taking control of her words.

He didn't say anything. His eyes trained on the floor, his jaw clenching before he looked back at her. There was a vulnerability within them.

"I can't." She closed her eyes to stop the tears from forming. "I can't lose you again. I know the things I've done were wrong now. They're my actions, my responsibility. Even when I had a choice, I still chose them." She shook her head in disbelief, swallowing the guilt. "Now I'm trying to make things right. I want to choose you."She could hear the words in her head and she was unsure if she should say them. The vulnerability of it all was weighing on her as she back at him. "I... I love you."

She didn't see it coming.

His gloved palm gently lifted her chin, his other one tugging her lower back towards him as he set his lips on hers. It was like the past and the present had melted into one and it was intoxicating. She desperately tried to tame the fire that ignited within her, wanting to savour the moment. Her hands snaked across his chest and rested on the nape of his neck, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. When they had managed to stop so they could take a breath, she couldn't help but pause before laughing at the barely contained grin he had on his face.

"I was looking for something all this time. Looking for..." He trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"The road to recovery." She finished for him and he nodded slowly.

"But I think I've found it," he looked at her warmly. He paused in deliberation. "I don't think I can leave without you, Alina."

She felt her fingers threading through his hair, her lips curving into a smile.

"I don't think you can, James." 

The End.


End file.
